Self Discovery

I am not a fan of "self discovery" in the traditional sense I guess. It rubs me the wrong way. It seems so self indulgent and vain really. This is not to say that I am not either of those things or haven't been guilty of taking any of those quizzes on Facebook that promise to tell you which Jane Austen heroine you are or where you should live. I admit they are enticing because we love to "talk" and "learn" about ourselves. By the way I am not the naive main character from "Northanger Abbey," nor am I meant to live in Seattle. Really, I do not always think the best of people and I am not "tired of the scorching sun and heat" of Portland! But what I have noticed in reading other people's results is that theirs aren't usually right for them either. People "publish" their results so we can all read how "artsy" or "down to earth" they are, but really all I'm reading is how "intellectual" or "stylish" someone thinks they are! Self discovery or self disillusion?

Here's what I'm getting at. In twenty-something years of learning about myself here's what I've discovered: I'm selfish, not easily satisfied, always right, a bad friend, undisciplined, unmotivated, and a gossip with depressional tendencies to say the least. I could go on, but this list is painful enough as it is. The more we seek to be the most or get the most out of life, the more dissatisfied we seem to be. The more we expect out of ourselves or out of other people, the more disappointed we usually end up being. I believe this is because we are flawed, fickle and insatiable, people.

This is why the Bible says things like, "For all seek their own, not the things which are of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 2:21) As well as, "He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." (Matt. 10:39) Paul gives up his previous, hard earned, "successful" life as a "Pharisee among Pharisees" to follow Christ.

There's a lot of wheel spinning out there. Not that we shouldn't spin our wheels, but maybe we should spin them in a different direction. I came across the most beautiful passage today in Colossians that really sums up my thoughts on "self discovery" and all the energy we spend on it and specifically the direction we spend it in. I think if we want to do true, beneficial, edifying self discovery, perhaps we need to look somewhere other than inward because frankly, I've found there's just not a lot there worth hanging on to.

"He has delivered us from the power of darkness and translated us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins. He is the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist." (Colossians 1:13-17)

Some good spiritual food for thought in case you're thinking of doing some introspective soul searching or for the next time you want to dig deep into your origins. We were created for Him, through Him and we consist in Him only.

The Way of the Lord

In reading Proverbs ten today, I was struck by verse twenty-nine, "The way of the Lord is strength for the upright, but destruction will come to the workers of iniquity." I was comforted specifically by the first part and I felt refreshed in a way as only the Word of God can refresh. It was almost like reading those words made them true for me. Then I wondered, if I hadn't read them would they still be true for me? More specifically, are His promises still true for me even if I rarely read them or perhaps don't ever hear or read of them or are mindful of them (I'm talking about specific promises-the ones "we Christians" like to name and claim)?

Here's how my thought pattern went from there. I am strengthened by reading my Bible. Reading God's promises for the righteous encourages me and strengthens my heart. How can I be sure that I am part of that group called "the righteous" or "the upright"? It's not done flippantly, especially with verses like Romans 3:10 out there, which says "There is none righteous, no not one." Isaiah tells us that our best righteousness is like filthy rags before the Lord.
John 15:3 "You are already clean because of the Word which I have spoken to you." Ah, yes. The (capital) Word being none other than Jesus Christ, has a cleansing affect in our hearts, our minds, our lives. "Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God." Romans 10:17 So I need to read the Word of God. He is who makes me clean. And if you're still not sure about that, read your Bible. You will be convinced and cleansed in the process. It's a real win-win.

When I take the time to read, I glean so much that I am overwhelmed and perhaps I've only read but a few pages. I feel I should have to read that same section everyday for a month before I can really "get it" and begin to move on. At this rate how can I retain all the truths that the Bible would speak into my life? And as the Lord would have it, this verse came to mind. "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you." (Italics mine.) So I am not to worry about reviewing everything I've learned up until this point every time I open my Bible to read or seek something new. The Spirit has me covered, but He can only bring to remembrance the things that the Lord has said to me, aka, that I've allowed Him to say to me, that I've heard from Him, that I've read of Him.

So, getting back to my original question. I conclude that the more I read the Word, the more I am in "the way of the Lord" and the more "upright" I am. Reading, meditating, studying the Word is "the way of the Lord" (we know this from Joshua 1:8) and it "is strength for the upright." Another win-win, if you will.

Proverbs 10:17 "He who keeps instruction is in the way of life, (gasp) but he who refuses reproof goes astray." (Italics, bolds and added gasp, mine.)
Notice the words in bold both in the verse above and below.
2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,".

So, how can we be in the way of the Lord and not be upright? And how can we be upright and not be in the way of the Lord? How can we apply God's promises to us when we don't read them, hear them, know them. I don't think we can.

Perspective Anyone?

So I feel really unqualified to write this post, which a friend asked me to do. But maybe it's best that I write it now since I'm not in this particular season (though I have been). The topic at hand is the pressures of being a SAHM. The question presented to me was "Seriously - if that is your full-time job, don't you expect your kids to be perfect...and if they are not perfect, what does that say about the SAHM..." Here is where I laughed hysterically - j/k...kinda.
I've been thinking about it and I think the root of the pressure lies not only in being a SAHM, but also in the unmentioned chores that don't pertain directly to mothering like the never ending house cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking/baking (or in some cases cereal-pouring), organizing, errands, etc. (my this is a depressing list!) and dare I say some of you crazies out there even add homeschooling to this list (I kid about the crazy part-don't send me angry emails)! If even a handful of these pop up in the same day as all of a sudden overdue, and your kids are bouncing off the walls at the same time, it's enough to..well, fill in the blank!
So with this in mind. I'd like to ask where do the pressures come from? You know the pressures of having it all done all the time with happy, healthy, "perfect" kids to match? Yeah, those, where do they come from? Here's where it gets really exciting...you, me, us, ourselves! I've been thinking about it and I really can't come up with a better answer. I think we put the pressures on ourselves more than anyone. It's not our husbands (let's face it, if he comes home at night and I'm smiling and not begging him to take his little maniacs out of my eye and ear shot-he thinks I'm a raging success!), it's not our friends, though we can feel that way when we compare ourselves too much, and for the most part it's not our culture. So I think it's us. We want things to be in order and taken care of all the time.
Some of us have personalities that make us harder on ourselves than others (you know who you are!) You just can't make enough charts and calendars for yourself and your kids! And that's fine, whatever works for you, but let's keep our goals realistic otherwise you're setting yourself up for failure.
Back to the parenting issue. The SAHM job is a work in progress. Your kids are not going to be perfect at some magic age and that's why you're there-that's the job! If you could "complete" your job by the time they are three, then you could just sit on the couch and eat bonbons all day (or Oreos, or Noah's Bagels, or whatever floats your boat).
I think seriously though, you shouldn't focus on how close your child is to perfect as a reflection of your parenting. You should focus on your parenting. None of us really give it a second thought when someone else's kid is acting up in front of us, but it's how the parent handles the situation that either makes us smile knowingly or grimace and try desperately not to let our mouths drop to the floor out of pure judgementalness. Most of us don't really even care or remember how the child responds as long as the parent is staying on top of it dutifully and responsibly. So don't let your kids be the measure of your parenting as much as your parenting should be the measure. I say "as much" because surely there is something to be said by how your kids act and respond to you. But they are little sinners just like us and have their own free wills. So do your part to do well by them, pray for them, pray for yourself, enlist your husband of course for help and cut yourself some slack. And remember "Let us not be weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." When it says we shall reap, let's not limit ourselves to what we think that reaping should/will look like; same with in "due time" for some of us, that may mean heaven.
So what are your thoughts? What pressures do you struggle with the most as a SAHM and how do you handle them?

Let's Talk...Gossip

Now that I have your attention, I figure this is as good of a time as any to talk about our speech and everyday chit chat that we encounter. When I say we, I really do mean WE (myself included). As I write I am processing some things that have been rolling around in my head for awhile. Let me be clear on a couple of things. #1 I am NOT writing to any one in particular more than I am to myself, so if you read this and think I'm writing this because of YOU (you know who you are j/k) I'm not. #2 I AM guilty of gossip. I realize that is probably not a shock to most of you, but I want you to know that I know that. #3 I am writing to Christians, those who acknowledge they are sinners and have accepted Jesus as their much needed personal Saviour. This conversation is for those who are striving to "go their way and sin no more" according to a biblical standard not because we are better than non-believers but because we aim to not grieve the Spirit of Christ by whom we are saved. Okay, everyone on board?
I like this picture because it's not inherently evil looking. Which I think is true of alot of gossip that we encounter and that's why it sneaks in so easily and can be hard to identify. Also, it was really hard to find a gossip image that looked like true gossip. Our culture doesn't readily attach a negative connotation to gossip. It's glorified and sought after. It's almost synonymous with talking! To start our discussion, here are some scriptures that portray gossip as wrong and exemplify why:

"A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret." (Proverbs 11:13)
"A perverse man stirs up dissension and a gossip separates close friends." (Proverbs 16:28)
"A gossip betrays a confidence so avoid a man who talks too much." (Proverbs 20:19)
"Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down." (Proverbs 26:20)

Now let me share the verse that started the wheels rolling on this subject for me. "And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they out not. Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully." (1 Timothy 5:13-14) The idea that Paul is writing about here is that it's good for a young widow to marry and be occupied with having kids and running the house so that she isn't doing the aforementioned idleness, wandering, gossiping, etc. Perhaps some of us have found a way to "do it all"?
Of course I'm not saying that getting together with other moms during the day is wrong. But let's be aware of the potential for gossip and idleness that comes from going "from house to house" and let's be sure to keep our homes from becoming a breeding ground for such. "Therefore, putting away lying, each one speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another." (Ephesians 4:25)
I like what it says in 1 Thessalonians 4:11 "That you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your own hands as we commanded you." I think this is a good guide for conversation when you find yourself with a girlfriend..."mind your own business" meaning not talking about someone else's business, especially if they are not present.
The lines can seem so fuzzy and gray as far as what's appropriate to talk about. Here are some questions I would ask when in doubt. If there is information that you are tempted to share with someone else, how do you happen to know this information? Are you 100% sure it's reliable to start with? Is it privileged information? Does the subject (person) of the information know that you know? Do they even know who you are? Even if that person shared it with you, would they want you to share it with whomever you deem worthy of the information? Would they like the privilege of sharing that information with someone new? Do you follow me here? These types of questions could go on and on.
Also when talking about a particular subject, having kids, discipling, preschool, homeschooling, potty training, etc. it's easy to draw comparisons and use mutual acquaintances as examples of doing something a certain way. This can go downhill pretty fast. We can start judging each other for personal choices. "That must cost them $X amount a month!" "And oh, what about so and so's kids..." 2 Timothy 2:23 says "But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife."
Another form of gossip is not so fuzzy or gray but rather blatant. Still I don't know why at the time it doesn't hit me as gossip, maybe because I'm thinking that I'm being a good, sympathetic listener or something. But I'll tell you when it hits me that I received an earful. When I see someone or a couple in church that I have never spoken to, they don't know me, but I know WAY more than I should about them, or at least I think I know some stuff that causes me to sit there and think, "Oh...Hmmm...that's who..oh, okay...I see." THIS IS WAY WRONG OF ME!!! Proverbs 18:8 AND 26:22 both say "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts." So we'll forget a really good sermon after a day or even a few hours, but the words of a gossip? "They go down to a man's inmost parts."
Why do we feel the need to gossip, really? Is it that we like to be the first to break big news, or appear like we are in the know? The ironic thing is that all we're really doing is telling the person we're talking to that we are a gossip and can't be trusted! Let's remember that love covers over a multitude of sin-it doesn't pass it on. Here's where I want your feedback. How do you lovingly tell someone that they are gossiping and that you don't want to hear it without appearing "holier than thou"? 2 Timothy 2:16 says "But shun profane and vain babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness." How do you do that gently? More often than not, the person you are talking to is your friend after all!
The only thing I can think of is to do the exact opposite of what that person is doing and speak words of life. Let us not forget the power that our words have not only to cause harm, but to do good. The bible speaks of this in particular as well:

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." (Proverbs 18:21)
"The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, but the speech of the upright rescues them." (Proverbs 12:6)
"The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." (Proverbs 15:4)

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Ephesians 4:29 Let's start a trend of speaking what is good and imparting grace to our hearers! What do you say?

For Billy, who was a good little boy.

This happens every time the sun goes down
I can feel your burden, I can't breathe
My restless spirit brings me to my knees,
How can I intercede?

He says His yoke is easy and His burden is light,
But your eyes are tired, your eyes are dim,
It breaks my heart to see you deceived,
What will it take for you to believe?
Oh, how can I intercede?

But the tears I cry, they won't make you believe,
that the blood He shed is all that you need.

Oh Lord, let me intercede

The Real World

"I just found out there's no such thing as the real world, it's just a lie you've got to rise above." John Mayer

It's a reality show on MTV. It's an intimidation factor adults use on high schoolers. It's a looming threat that haunts college students. But mostly "the real world" is, ironically, pretend. When you are told in a college class how it's going to be in the real world, you are really being explained the rules of the game, in case you choose to play. What people don't realize early on is that they have a choice of whether to play or not.
For most people your degree is how you get into the real world. When they hand you your diploma, they are really just handing you your game piece. Maybe, by way of major declaration, you've chosen to be the horse or the car or the top hat and now people expect you to do something horse-ish, car-like or top hat-esque. People forget that when you chose to be the horse you were only eighteen or nineteen and strong armed into playing the game they so cleverly disguised as "the real world". When you are handed your game piece, you are only twenty-one or so and are just approaching the age in which you should actually be considering your game piece. But by this time it's too late. You're in the game and probably are actually chomping at the bit (especially if you're the horse) to play.
Sometimes real life gets in the way of the real world. One minute you're rolling the dice, playing the game and the next you're drawing a card that says take your four year degree to the nearest coffee house and start pouring.
There is such guilt and shame when you have a shiny new game piece and you've been reduced to placing it on the jail square indefinitely. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, just sit there and hope that you draw a get out of jail free card soon. But this is real life and don't let the real world players make you feel guilty for living it.
There is freedom in not playing the game, but in living out real life. The real world players are only happy when the game is over and they own the most real estate with the most hotels. Why pursue the appearance of happiness when you can pursue joy?
"You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2