So I feel really unqualified to write this post, which a friend asked me to do. But maybe it's best that I write it now since I'm not in this particular season (though I have been). The topic at hand is the pressures of being a SAHM. The question presented to me was "Seriously - if that is your full-time job, don't you expect your kids to be perfect...and if they are not perfect, what does that say about the SAHM..." Here is where I laughed hysterically - j/k...kinda.
I've been thinking about it and I think the root of the pressure lies not only in being a SAHM, but also in the unmentioned chores that don't pertain directly to mothering like the never ending house cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking/baking (or in some cases cereal-pouring), organizing, errands, etc. (my this is a depressing list!) and dare I say some of you crazies out there even add homeschooling to this list (I kid about the crazy part-don't send me angry emails)! If even a handful of these pop up in the same day as all of a sudden overdue, and your kids are bouncing off the walls at the same time, it's enough to..well, fill in the blank!
So with this in mind. I'd like to ask where do the pressures come from? You know the pressures of having it all done all the time with happy, healthy, "perfect" kids to match? Yeah, those, where do they come from? Here's where it gets really exciting...you, me, us, ourselves! I've been thinking about it and I really can't come up with a better answer. I think we put the pressures on ourselves more than anyone. It's not our husbands (let's face it, if he comes home at night and I'm smiling and not begging him to take his little maniacs out of my eye and ear shot-he thinks I'm a raging success!), it's not our friends, though we can feel that way when we compare ourselves too much, and for the most part it's not our culture. So I think it's us. We want things to be in order and taken care of all the time.
Some of us have personalities that make us harder on ourselves than others (you know who you are!) You just can't make enough charts and calendars for yourself and your kids! And that's fine, whatever works for you, but let's keep our goals realistic otherwise you're setting yourself up for failure.
Back to the parenting issue. The SAHM job is a work in progress. Your kids are not going to be perfect at some magic age and that's why you're there-that's the job! If you could "complete" your job by the time they are three, then you could just sit on the couch and eat bonbons all day (or Oreos, or Noah's Bagels, or whatever floats your boat).
I think seriously though, you shouldn't focus on how close your child is to perfect as a reflection of your parenting. You should focus on your parenting. None of us really give it a second thought when someone else's kid is acting up in front of us, but it's how the parent handles the situation that either makes us smile knowingly or grimace and try desperately not to let our mouths drop to the floor out of pure judgementalness. Most of us don't really even care or remember how the child responds as long as the parent is staying on top of it dutifully and responsibly. So don't let your kids be the measure of your parenting as much as your parenting should be the measure. I say "as much" because surely there is something to be said by how your kids act and respond to you. But they are little sinners just like us and have their own free wills. So do your part to do well by them, pray for them, pray for yourself, enlist your husband of course for help and cut yourself some slack. And remember "Let us not be weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." When it says we shall reap, let's not limit ourselves to what we think that reaping should/will look like; same with in "due time" for some of us, that may mean heaven.
So what are your thoughts? What pressures do you struggle with the most as a SAHM and how do you handle them?
