Cell Phone Law

A new “no texting or talking on your cell phone while driving” law passed in Oregon that has been in effect for about a month now. This means some changing of habits for me to say the least. Now I don’t need a law to tell me that text messaging while behind the wheel is dangerous. The few times I’ve done it, I’ve ended up either texting the wrong thing or texting the wrong person. Both were dangerous and embarrassing as I recall.
But this no talking on your phone thing, I mean really. It has thrown quite a wrench in my normal communication habits. I like to make calls when I’m out running errands because it kills two birds with one stone. Also, my kids are strapped in so I don’t have to attempt the nearly impossible task of keeping an eye on them while also relocating myself to another floor of the house or even out of the house all together in order to maintain a level of quietness in the background of my calls.
Now, there is a contingency option so to speak; this “hands free device” clause. Since my phone doesn’t have blue tooth capability I have come up with a couple of methods that sort of work for me while also staying within the bounds of the law...technically...I think...
One is where I give the phone to my three year old daughter to answer. I mean she’s not driving and she can talk so...this one seems pretty obvious. The only thing that sometimes interferes is her free will. Therein lies the wild card.
“Charley tell Daddy we’ll meet him at Baja Fresh in an hour.” I’ll instruct.
“Hey Dad, do you want to go to McDonald’s for lunch with us?” she’ll say.
“Your mom is taking you to McDonald’s? Your mom hates McDonald’s... Which one are you going to?” a confused daddy will ask.
“The one with the play place!” she’ll emphatically suggest.
“Off 224? Can I talk to mom?”
“Well, she’s busy driving right now so that’s why I’m calling. It’s unlegal ya know? Hey, I got new shoes! They are all pink and sparkly! They are a little bit big, but not too big because I am a BIG GIRL! Ya know Dad?”
“Um, yeah hey that’s great. Listen, Charley I have to go now because I have some work I need to do okay?”
“Okay. I’ll call you every five minutes!” Click.
Insert me into the background of this conversation saying things like, “No, Charley that’s not what I said!”, “Not McDonald’s-Baja Fresh!”, “ LISTEN TO ME!!” and “What did he say??” All this just to have her scold me for not being quiet while she was on the phone, “cause that’s rude. Ya know Mom? Oh and Daddy says I can get new shoes!” Yes, we are aware that she is delusional.
So what’s a girl to do other than take the phone while at a red light and try to discreetly send a text message while keeping the phone in my lap and one eye on the intersection in front of me so as to not appear as though I am texting. To clarify the crazy conversation my husband just had with our daughter he will then be obligated to engage in a string of confusing texts that read something like this:
“NOT! McD’s. Baha.”
“As in Bahahahaha the joke’s on you?”
“What? No.”
“Okay, so I’m headed out. See you in a few.”
“Where are you? We’ve already ordered.”
“I’m at McDonald’s off 224. Where are you?”
For obvious reasons I have found another method of communicating via the cell phone while driving necessary. In this scenario I’ve employed the “open the phone, set it in my lap and just yell in the direction of the phone” method. This works only if the other person is willing and able to yell back at me so that I can hear them. Devlyn sometimes is able to do this and we can exchange information such as, “I’m on the road and on my way to the dentist,” and “If you haven’t gone to the store yet, can you pick up some grape juice?” “Okay!” It’s successful, but a bit hostile to tell you the truth.
So for those times when I just want to call my husband, touch base and communicate sweet, endearing, loving and encouraging words, I’ve had to get REAL creative. Here’s what we do. I send him warm, tantalizing, love thoughts. (DON’T GAG! You know you wanna do it too!) Thoughts so dear and so strong that neither time, nor space, nor laws, nor three year olds can interfere with or keep them at bay!
Nonsense you say? How do I know it works? Because when Devlyn is at work and he receives these love thoughts, he immediately turns his collar all the way up around his neck. This is where he stores the thoughts until he comes home. They fit perfectly in this little makeshift cradle around his neck and ears. And once he gets home, I have visual confirmation that he received my thoughts and no one ends up eating lunch by themselves at a gross, greasy, grubby McDonald’s. Try it. You’ll love it. You’re welcome.

A Smicket From a Transcript of Old

I don't really know what else to call this sort of post, but I think you'll get a kick out of it. The thing is, for our first anniversary, which is the paper anniversary-oh my gosh, let me back up!
So, for those who don't know, Devlyn and I met at work. When I was in college I worked part time for the same company he did. Sooo, as we started dating and through out our engagement there were, as you can imagine many emails sent back and forth between the two of us while we were at "work," you know "working."
So, as I was saying, for our first anniversary, the paper anniversary, Devlyn took some left over paper that we had printed out our wedding invitations and programs on and printed out almost a year's worth of dialog between the two of us in the form of work emails and bound the pages into a book...awww, I know right. Well hold on, before you close out your browser and throw up, take a look at some of the back and forth-ness. It always makes me laugh.

J: Why is it that when the m&m's get down to just a thin, single layer-barely covering the bottom of the container-there are only red, orange, yellow, blue and brown ones left? Do the green's weigh less therefore they stay at the top and are eaten first or what?

D: Yeah, the greens always stay up.

J: Why do the greens always stay up? Are they bigger and stronger? Do they keep the other colors down? Do they make the other colors go into hiding?

D: That's it precisely doll face. What are we doing tonight?

J: I could never be an m&m.

And another excerpt went like this:

D: You're so weird. I still love you though.

J: Mongeese? Are you trying to say Monkeys?

D: No. I was wondering if a group of mongooses would be called mongeese. Apparently it's mongooses. Spell check told me so.

J: Wouldn't that be cool if we became famous? We could be like Sonny and Cher, what do you think?

D: OK but I get to be Cher.

And yet another excerpt went like this:

D: I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form. "Come in," she said, "I'll give ya, shelter from the storm."

J: My feet don't look like they're my own

D: I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire, Stand here until I fill all your hearts desires

J: You were born too late I was born too soon, every time I look at that ugly moon...it reminds me of you.


I think we were talking in song lyrics...I don't know why, but we probably thought it was hilarious. Those love chemicals should be illegal...

Devlyn, Devlyn, Devlyn...33!!!

Devlyn turned 33 yesterday, so in honor of his birthday I am posting-not 33 pictures of him, because I doubt that's what most of you really want to see-but 33 pictures of things he loves! Don't worry, I don't think there's quite 33 pictures (uploading takes awhile and I was getting impatient).

He loves to watch baseball, especially live games like this Mariner's game (I can't remember nor can I tell who they are playing, nor do I recall ever knowing who they were playing though I was there with him).

He loves chickens. I'm serious. I don't know what else to say about this one.

He loves dressing Charley up like an Eskimo baby and taking her sledding.

He loves his friends and his truck. He loves it when his truck brings his friends together.
(Scroll down a few posts to learn more about this incident.)

He loves it when Matt Brein wears his footed, sleeper jammies and rolls around on the ground with babies. Really, it brings him great, disturbing, joy-his favorite kind.

He loves it when he gets salt water in his eyes.

And...when he gets sand in his eyes!

He loves to show off large structures that he's "built"

And even larger structures or bridges, or gates, or damns...all right, you're onto me...I'm not sure what this is!

This is my sister, Boo (with Charley) he loves Boo!
Sidenote: My sister came over to "help" me with my new infant-notice which one is sleeping and which one is red in the face from screaming.

This is my brother Gabe on the left, Devlyn loves Gabe. My "other brother" Jeremiah is the one on the right. I'm not sure why Devlyn doesn't love him, I'll have to ask him.

See, Devlyn loves Gabe so much, here's another picture of him. In this picture, Gabe's saying, "What's not to love?"

He loves dirt biking in the Mohave Desert. He wishes I'd let him get a dirt bike or a motorcycle, but in the meantime he'll just have to rely on my dad who's historically provided all the dangerous things for his kids to do.

Devlyn loves the psychadelic murals that McMenamins has on their walls in their freaky old buildings. This particular one was his screen saver for months.

Speaking of freaky...where there's licorice ice cream, there are gross looking tongues.

Jet skiing (also provided by my dad) makes for great father-son matching hair!

Here Devlyn's playing "king of the mountain" with Ryan Sprunger and Aaron McNelly- the floating, water trampoline version. This particular incident prevented us from having kids for awhile.

Devlyn likes acupuncture and to be weird...here he is doing both.

This is a good one, because it capturers several things Devlyn loves. 1. our puppy, Daisy 2. Daisy's boy, Chase 3. His old Mazda RX7 (He had to sell it, don't bring it up, it's a sore subject)

Dune buggies. Dune buggying? Also provided by my dad.

Home Improvement projects! Devlyn can't get enough of these!

Church!

Coffee. Seriously, here he is hugging a coffee bean plant...bush? tree?...whatever, he's hugging it!

Diet Coke. Notice his grip of death on the can. Diet Coke has also prevented us from having kids for awhile. It's a long story.

Dance baby dance! He won't admit it, but he loves to dance! When he thinks no one is watching, he'll bust a move! Me catching it on camera is like getting a picture of big foot!

He loves his guitar. Need I say more?

Eggs, bacon and grits. Yes, grits. It's a strange phenomenon that he's passed onto our daughter.

Shooting guns. Also provided by my dad. Don't worry, he's teaching Chase gun safety 101 here-I'm sure!

And, drum roll please....ME! He loves me, really. I know you can't tell from this picture, but he especially loves to close his eyes and pretend he doesn't think I'm funny. He strums his guitar strings with all his might and tries desperately to escape to his happy place, but deep down he knows...I'm there too!

A Ford Story

On Sunday some guys came over to help Devlyn...do something related to his old truck that graces our driveway with it's rusty, "vintage" presence. Let's see if we can get some insight into the male...mind? Behavior patterns? I'm really not sure what we're looking for here, but follow me if you dare.

Hmmm...curious. Very curious.

Hey what are you guys all looking for? Did you lose something?

Yeah! Jump up and down on him like that!

Where'd he go? No, you can't pull him up that way!

You okay babe? Are your friends hurting you? This is what you invited them over for right?

I'm sorry Webber, someone's butt had to be front and center at some point.
Nice flip flops Glos.

Hey guys! I found the hood! It's not in the engine after all...it's right, oh never mind.

They never listen to me.

Have You Seen This Kid?

This is Tanner Johnson (the one on the right). He goes to our church and I believe he's in high school. He plays the violin beautifully....unlike me (see below).
Devlyn wants to kidnap him. That's right. I don't know what it is. Could be the hair, could be his size (I must admit, he is the perfect kidnapping size) just something about him makes Devlyn want to drive by and throw him in a white, windowless, van. We've talked about doing this several times.
It started one day when we were out driving, running errands, I suppose and we saw Tanner at a bus stop in Oregon City. It was on top o' the hill, a very unsuspecting location for sure! However, there were a couple of problems with our plan (I say "our" because we're married and part of the deal is that we suck each other into weird stuff that comes out of our heads, weird stuff like this). First of all, we didn't have a van. We had a little SUV with two kids in it. So, not real threatening. Second of all, we decided it would take at least two guys to pull this off (we are not two GUYS). And the guys should be a little more intimidating than Devlyn. You know, bigger, balder, maybe have some tatoos, maybe someone like Jim Chapin?
The other dilemma wasn't really a dilemma after all. See Tanner had a bunch of friends with him. But these were for the most part pint size punks. So we didn't think they would deter the mission at all and actually would serve as a bonus. If you're going to try to pull something like this off, you kind of need an audience to make it all worth it.
So, if you know Tanner, you might want to tell him that weather he knows it or not, he's just walking around begging to be kidnapped! One of these days Devlyn just might abscond with him! That is if he ever gets the right crew of guys, white van-oh and music! We decided the perfect music to be playing in the background would be Shakira's "Objection Tango"-that's also our bank robbing music, but that's a different story.