Now that I have your attention, I figure this is as good of a time as any to talk about our speech and everyday chit chat that we encounter. When I say we, I really do mean WE (myself included). As I write I am processing some things that have been rolling around in my head for awhile. Let me be clear on a couple of things. #1 I am NOT writing to any one in particular more than I am to myself, so if you read this and think I'm writing this because of YOU (you know who you are j/k) I'm not. #2 I AM guilty of gossip. I realize that is probably not a shock to most of you, but I want you to know that I know that. #3 I am writing to Christians, those who acknowledge they are sinners and have accepted Jesus as their much needed personal Saviour. This conversation is for those who are striving to "go their way and sin no more" according to a biblical standard not because we are better than non-believers but because we aim to not grieve the Spirit of Christ by whom we are saved. Okay, everyone on board?
I like this picture because it's not inherently evil looking. Which I think is true of alot of gossip that we encounter and that's why it sneaks in so easily and can be hard to identify. Also, it was really hard to find a gossip image that looked like true gossip. Our culture doesn't readily attach a negative connotation to gossip. It's glorified and sought after. It's almost synonymous with talking! To start our discussion, here are some scriptures that portray gossip as wrong and exemplify why:
"A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret." (Proverbs 11:13)
"A perverse man stirs up dissension and a gossip separates close friends." (Proverbs 16:28)
"A gossip betrays a confidence so avoid a man who talks too much." (Proverbs 20:19)
"Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down." (Proverbs 26:20)
Now let me share the verse that started the wheels rolling on this subject for me. "And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they out not. Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully." (1 Timothy 5:13-14) The idea that Paul is writing about here is that it's good for a young widow to marry and be occupied with having kids and running the house so that she isn't doing the aforementioned idleness, wandering, gossiping, etc. Perhaps some of us have found a way to "do it all"?
Of course I'm not saying that getting together with other moms during the day is wrong. But let's be aware of the potential for gossip and idleness that comes from going "from house to house" and let's be sure to keep our homes from becoming a breeding ground for such. "Therefore, putting away lying, each one speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another." (Ephesians 4:25)
I like what it says in 1 Thessalonians 4:11 "That you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your own hands as we commanded you." I think this is a good guide for conversation when you find yourself with a girlfriend..."mind your own business" meaning not talking about someone else's business, especially if they are not present.
The lines can seem so fuzzy and gray as far as what's appropriate to talk about. Here are some questions I would ask when in doubt. If there is information that you are tempted to share with someone else, how do you happen to know this information? Are you 100% sure it's reliable to start with? Is it privileged information? Does the subject (person) of the information know that you know? Do they even know who you are? Even if that person shared it with you, would they want you to share it with whomever you deem worthy of the information? Would they like the privilege of sharing that information with someone new? Do you follow me here? These types of questions could go on and on.
Also when talking about a particular subject, having kids, discipling, preschool, homeschooling, potty training, etc. it's easy to draw comparisons and use mutual acquaintances as examples of doing something a certain way. This can go downhill pretty fast. We can start judging each other for personal choices. "That must cost them $X amount a month!" "And oh, what about so and so's kids..." 2 Timothy 2:23 says "But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife."
Another form of gossip is not so fuzzy or gray but rather blatant. Still I don't know why at the time it doesn't hit me as gossip, maybe because I'm thinking that I'm being a good, sympathetic listener or something. But I'll tell you when it hits me that I received an earful. When I see someone or a couple in church that I have never spoken to, they don't know me, but I know WAY more than I should about them, or at least I think I know some stuff that causes me to sit there and think, "Oh...Hmmm...that's who..oh, okay...I see." THIS IS WAY WRONG OF ME!!! Proverbs 18:8 AND 26:22 both say "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts." So we'll forget a really good sermon after a day or even a few hours, but the words of a gossip? "They go down to a man's inmost parts."
Why do we feel the need to gossip, really? Is it that we like to be the first to break big news, or appear like we are in the know? The ironic thing is that all we're really doing is telling the person we're talking to that we are a gossip and can't be trusted! Let's remember that love covers over a multitude of sin-it doesn't pass it on. Here's where I want your feedback. How do you lovingly tell someone that they are gossiping and that you don't want to hear it without appearing "holier than thou"? 2 Timothy 2:16 says "But shun profane and vain babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness." How do you do that gently? More often than not, the person you are talking to is your friend after all!
The only thing I can think of is to do the exact opposite of what that person is doing and speak words of life. Let us not forget the power that our words have not only to cause harm, but to do good. The bible speaks of this in particular as well:
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." (Proverbs 18:21)
"The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, but the speech of the upright rescues them." (Proverbs 12:6)
"The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." (Proverbs 15:4)
"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Ephesians 4:29 Let's start a trend of speaking what is good and imparting grace to our hearers! What do you say?
